(aside: my goodness, I get weary of the question "How's Brad doing?" EVEN THOUGH I am fully aware that the motivation behind the question is love. It's like - some days, I'm just going about my life and things are all manageable and then someone asks and I have to remember that there's this big stupid monster in our lives, and I have to talk about it. Other days, more selfishly, I'm overwhelmed by all the things there are to do that we used to share doing, or that he used to do, and when someone asks how Brad is, I want to say "Brad? He's FINE, but I am losing the plot over here." I don't say it, though, and I hesitate even to say it here, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only spouse who has ever felt like that.)
All that said - here's how Brad is today.
Chemo is starting to kick his butt harder. For the first four treatments, he would be almost completely back to himself before the next treatment date. I'd watch him slowly disappear into a sick, tired, weary, tired, did-I-mention-tired old man and then about halfway through, he'd start to perk up a little and then one day he would walk into a room, and I'd think "Oh THERE you are."
We got no such reprieve after treatment #5, and so treatment #6, just a few days ago, has him mostly just sleeping. And nothing tastes like it should, and everything has to be not too hot or not too cold (ie lukewarm) and he's not complaining but he really just feels awful.
On the plus side - today I was tidying up the room on his side of the bed, and I moved the puke bucket we put there after his very first chemo treatment. And it's really dusty, because he hasn't had to use it, not one single time.
We originally thought there would be six chemo treatments, and then surgery, and then six more. Not exactly. There will be 12 chemo treatments in all, and until we get a surgery date, they will just keep up with chemo, stopping in time for him to have a 4 week break before surgery. I was so looking forward to a reprieve for him, but it seems as though we will not get that, unless his surgery date (which has yet to be booked - we are waiting for a call) is within a month of his last chemo.
So that's what I'm asking. Surgery soon, please. Brad is less convinced - more now means fewer later, but they are hitting him harder and harder and it is very hard to watch.
On the other hand, more chemo presumably means more shrinkage, and an easier surgery, so there's that.