Monday, October 29, 2012

How I Know There's Progress

This is the kind of thing I have to write down, because I have a feeling that there will come a time when I can no longer remember that I felt this way.

Last night TechnoGuy and I went on a date.  We don't do this often enough - that can happen, when the children come along.  However, our children are now 13 and 17 - we don't even need a babysitter.

But here's the thing:

Every single time TechnoBoy asks me to do something with him, almost without exception - go to a movie, go out for dinner - I am reluctant.  I am reluctant because I have known, at the very core of me, that I will let him down somehow.

I won't like the movie.

I won't walk fast enough.

I won't dress right.

I won't be good looking enough.

I will be having a bad hair day.

To make it succinct - I don't want to go out with him because I know I'm not good enough.

HOWEVER.

We have season tickets to Broadway Across Canada.  (Season tickets in Calgary = 2 shows.  Per year. Sounds better than it is, when you put it that way!)

Yesterday afternoon, TG said "We're going out tonight!" and I asked where and he said "Rock of Ages" (ps kinda hated it but there were some good laughs) and my immediate, visceral reaction??

"Yay!!  Time out with my best friend!"

And I was getting ready to go, I was excited.  Pleased.  Delighted.  Able to make wardrobe choices without the constant negative feedback loop that has accompanied me so much of my life.

And we had a lovely time, thank you.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you had a good time being the real you.

joyce harback said...

I hated the show too, we left at intermission (Wednesday), but I enjoyed the time out with my best friend too. So happy for you.

Kay said...

This makes my heart very happy.

Marcia said...

Yay! Clapping and happy dancing for you. :)

Shirl Mannes said...

I can totally relate! Thanks for putting "on paper"!!

Janet Sketchley said...

Cheering, Susan! Definitely progress worth celebrating. Bummer about the show, but at least you had good company :)

Swallow in the Wind said...

I am so glad, too, that you had a good time and came away with a memory of contentment. "Feeling good in your own skin," the French say.

Back in the 1500s and so, Satan inspired the "powers that be" to burn Christians at the stake. Nowadays he seems to be roasting us all with "inferior" feelings.

"Resist the devil and he will flee from you." "Draw nigh unto God and he will draw nigh unto you."

Love & prayers from Christine.