Thursday, July 28, 2011

har.

So I was talking about my job with some family members the other day, and talking about the younger child.

"She likes things to be in the right place", I said, "and has been known to smack me, if it's near nap time and I won't put my glasses back on."

"I could use one of those", my SIL said.  "A short angry person who follows me around smacking me when I don't put things away."  She paused. "A Clean Up Dwarf."

***
At Mom's the other day, I was clipping her nails when she shrieked in pain.  After counting her fingers, I consoled her.

"If you bleed to death, you'll go straight to heaven." I said.

She fake-glared at me. "Yeah and you'll go straight to hell!"

***
I bought a new dress for my nephew's wedding, and was extremely pleased that it didn't cost me an arm and two legs.  I tend to chat about things I'm excited about, until my entire family walks around with cotton balls in their ears, nodding in my direction, fake smiles on their faces.

The same day I bought the dress, we had a false alarm at our place while we were out and we came home to find the police there and the alarm blaring.  The police had already checked the house.

I walked into the living room and said to A "Oh good, the laptops are still here."  then I made a pretend-terrified face and said "GAH.  What if they took my DRESS?"

She didn't miss a beat.  "You mean maybe that was the fashion police?"

Saturday, July 23, 2011

The four year old speaks

She's lying with her head on my lap, gazing up at me, and observing with wonder how big the pores on my chin are. I tell her, gently, that I wish she wouldn't have long conversations about my appearance, because sometimes I'd like to be prettier.

"Oh Susan."  she says.  "If you want to be pretty, you have to be a fancy lady.  Like A."

"A is fancy?" I asked.

She nods.  "Yes and very stylish.  You can tell her I said that."

Friday, July 22, 2011

This post is for Anonymous

Every few whiles, Anonymous drops by my last post and says "SAY SOMETHING."  I go over the list of things I have in my head to say and realize ...there's no list.  But I do like to please people ...

- So it's summer.  This summer has been very very rainy and really, while I love the outdoors, I kind of hate weather.  I don't like it hot and I don't like it cold and I don't much care for windy ...I'm stupidly hard to please.  If the whole world could just have the same kind of air you get when step off a plane at the San Francisco Airport - just that first hit of cool, moist air that feels like it would hydrate you forever - before you breathe in any fumes of anything - that would be perfect. 

Doesn't much happen in Alberta.

- We had a fun thing happen last week.  TechnoBoy took a road trip at the beginning of July and when he was on his way home, he picked up a backpacker somewhere in the interior of BC (aside:  why is BC the only province we speak of as having an interior?)   The backpacker turned out to be from Germany, spending a few months hiking in Canada (he'd just come from doing the West Coast Trail, which is XTreme backpacking.  Not for the faint of heart or limb.  He met someone the first day who broke a bone attempting it) He wasn't sure if he was going to try to come to Calgary or not, but TB offered him a place to stay if he made it here, and he did, and so he stayed with us four nights and wow, was it fun to have a traveller around.  Made me remember what it was like to BE a traveller.  (TB and I backpacked from May 1990 to April 1991)  I talked the poor boy's ear off.  But I also fed him, helped him find a place to buy good German bread, and drove him out to Banff when he was ready to leave.  And I did try to ask questions and listen for answers, so if you want to know what I learned about the West Coast Trail, you just ask.  (I may ignore you.  One of you asked about my birthday presents and I'm still holding out on you.)

- I think that TB and I are now parents of two teenagers.  As my skin is only physically thick, there are days when I don't really want to talk about it.  And by it, I mean anything.

- we are taking a family holiday this summer.  TB and I are trying to actually make a few plans ahead of time (TB's entire immediate family just fainted) This is new behaviour for us.  It's making me itchy.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd now I just editted out a bunch of whining, so I'm done.  Off to feed my mother, whose extermities are checking out long long long long long before her brain is.  It's a stupid messy way to end things, this old age business, and I refuse to believe that this is how things would be if Eve had never eaten the apple.  I only found out a few weeks ago that Mom could no longer feed herself, and the kids have been great, this week, about making sure there's dinner on the go here so I can be at the nursing home when I would normally be cooking supper.

Hee.  I just called out "I'm going to feed grandma!  Who wants to come with me?" and the dog is making Serious Eye Contact with me.  She gets treats at my mom's.

AND speaking of treats - my three year old nephew, who was here visiting with his whole family (and never once used the word LAME, to my knowledge) loved giving the dog treats.  He liked the tricks she does, too, so one day he marched over to the cupboard, opened the door, levelled a treat at Toopka and said "Do a trick, dog!" 
She did a trick alright.  She did the trick where you reach over and take the treat without even blinking.  He was not impressed.

AND speaking of fun, my goodness was it fun to have J-L and Cynthia and Abby and Jack here.  They're just really nice people.  Some day, when I grow up, I'm going to be nice too.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Friday

So she's at the Stampede with a rotating group of friends and she's having a great time but she's cold even though you suggested she might want to take a pair of jeans along but you don't mention that because you know what? who cares if you were right, and the person who should care the least that you were right is you, because what is this? some kind of contest about who can be the rightest most often? and you could just as easily have been wrong and so what about that too?And she's taking the bus home with her friend, after the fireworks and that's going to be really late and the train is always so crowded and there was that one year when some kid got jostled under the train and so you text her "do you want a ride?" and she says "nope, we're good, thanks" and you stare at the phone for a really long time because you don't want to be pushy and controlling and inyourface, especially not with someone who has pretty much wanted to be in charge since she was five, but we've all heard the stories and we think it, we all do, whether we say it out loud or not whereweretheparents?? but you don't argue, you just say please don't walk from the bus stop by yourself and she says okay I won't and you want to ask for details but because parenting someone her age is so much more about shutting up and praying than it is about anything else, it seems, you just say thanks and Jesus keep her safe and then you think about safety and how that's a much trickier concept that you could ever have imagined and really, none of us are safe no matter how much we build up around ourselves so maybe you just shorten that.  Jesus keep her.