Thursday, April 28, 2011

I should blog once in a while

Gah.  It's just so up and down with the emotions in this head.

I think I have decided to attempt to move out of my own head on a more regular basis.  I am not sure what that means.

I think that I have realized that I am possibly, and more than occasionally, too controlling as a parent and a spouse.  (TechnoBoy is reading this thinking - well I don't know what he's thinking.  I think he's likely tiptoeing away carefully lest I see the astonishment on his face.  Yes, darling, I have finally figured out why you occasionally use the word "Nag".  Also, you are a saint.  Thanks for sticking it out.) Controlling works with two year olds who are hitting the dog with a shovel - and even then it is not appreciated.  Someone asked me "What would it look like if you just abdicated, and said to your husband "okay you're in charge of (pick an area)?"  And inside my head I shrieked "He might not do it the same way I do it!!!!"  And then "Dude.  Lighten up."  and also "yikes.  Who says you have to be right?"  And then quite suddenly I was terrified.  What if I'm not right?*

And then I wrote it down to read later when I'm feeling a need to see what on earth I blather on about here, so that I will run into this post and remind myself that yes, yes I have a tendency to try to make the universe get in line behind me and my idea of how things should run.  IN FACT, the other day I asked myself "why don't you just pray about (thing with a child that is being frustrating)?" and I answered myself "well I tried that but He's not making (the child) do what I want her to."

Yeah that's the point of prayer.  Tell God how everyone else should act, and then snap your fingers at Him, and tell Him to get right on that.

*(Yes I am seeking help from professionals. Don't leave me advice. It will make me want to scratch my eyeballs out. From the inside.  And that's just messy.)

1 comment:

C said...

Ahhh...when the lights come on, its amazing, isn't it? Scary too! BUT...you are NOT alone here honey, the same light comes on for most 'sane' people at some point and so there is hope (even Eternal hope) that we will finally "get it" and life will relax more, and He will get to work more...in everyone! Prayer...yep, keep it coming, and relax!~ its SO much more fun (eventually)...we have to learn that part too.