Sunday, February 20, 2011

It's not like I accomplished nothing this week.

I coughed an impressive number of times.

I set a new personal record for number of hours spent sleeping in a given 24 hour period.

And I finished these:


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Who doesn't love hearing about someone else's health?

I'll put all the other trivia up here and then you can just stop reading for the ambulance ride stuff.

1. Slipper Update.  I picked up the slippers and fixed them with a stern glare today, and then announced to 258 Facebook friends that I was going to beat the slipper into submission today.  Then I had to lie down.  (see ER visit, below)  Dear Facebook friends - I lied to you all.

2. My kids are off school for a five day weekend.  This  morning A made baked oatmeal for breakfast and lo, it was delicious.

3. A chiropractor should have warm hands.

4. I have been home from work since Tuesday.  The dog is delighted by this, and every time I sit down, she jumps into my lap and licks my hand.  I think she likes me, or, at the very least, has decided that of all the packs available to join, mine is best because I feed her.

5.  How I Spent Tuesday.

I woke up with the same sore throat I had gone to bed with, took some Cold FX, went to work.  (I babysit)  Called the mom around 9:30 to say if there was a chance that this was one of those days where she could come home early, it might be a good idea, because I wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to make her kids sick.  By the time she got home, half an hour later, I realized that I was missing something, and that something was oxygen.
As a species, we tend to need oxygen.  I went home and used my "when you're having an attack" inhaler and my lungs shrugged and said "sorry but we are pouting."  So I tried that again an hour or so later and got the same reaction so I went to the Urgent Care place and began the long process of telling them that yes, I knew I wasn't wheezing and I knew my oxygen sats looked good but this is what an asthma attack looks like for me and I need a breathing treatment.  They were happy to hand me Ventilin and let me suck away at it, but in the meantime, because my most consistent asthma symptom is pain between the shoulder blades, they did a blood test to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack (I wasn't) and one called a DDIMER (sp?) to check for unusual clotting.  I laid around trying to breathe and sleep and a nurse came in around six and said "we're just going to hook you up to some oxygen."
"Why?"
She looked at the wall.  "Oh just in case."
Yeah right, I thought.  And spent the next twenty minutes, before the doctor came to tell me what was up, quite sure that I was having a heart attack and telling God I trusted Him with my life, but could it please NOT be a heart attack?  that is just SO cliched - fat woman has heart attack.  It would be so embarrassing.
When they were hooking up the "just in case" IV, the nurse told me I could go ahead and let my husband go home. 
I asked no questions, but raised my eyebrow at her.
Then the doctor came and said the DDIMER showed "elevation" which could be a lot of things but let's just make sure it's not a blood clot, okay? and there will be an ambulance here soon to take you to somewhere that can do a CAT scan.
And DUDES!  The CAT scan was COOL.  I was mildly disappointed not to end up on a sandswept planet when it was all done (ala StarGate) but all in all, it was an interesting experience.
And lo, there was no blood clot, and I was given antibiotics just in case the cold decided to become pneumonia and prednisone for the asthma and now I am lying around all languid and breathless, glaring at my knitting.

Also I would like you to know that it is VERY HARD to knit with one of those stupid oxygen sensors on  your finger.

Also I have learned from my last ambulance trip.  I had both my knitting AND my pants.  Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT.  Trippiest Facebook message ever?  "Hello I babysat you when you were four."  And she did.  She remembers my mom and says I was an angel.  (I was.  Nauseatingly good, and proud of it, too.)  She asked if I still had blonde curls.  I had to say yes to the curls, but "only out of a bottle" to the blonde ...

Monday, February 14, 2011

I lied about the slipper

The slipper is in time out.  It does not have the right number of stitches on it, and although I tried to tell myself that it was a SLIPPER for PETE'S sake, so what if there are two stitches LESS on this one???? ...I couldn't do it.  I now have to pick back the finished slipper to the start of the decrease rows and figure out what I did, because the pattern is incorrect and I don't remember how I altered it.

I hate knitting.

In other news, all the dishcloths I have made this year were sold at a fundraiser Friday night.  Yippee skippy!  If you want to buy some dishcloths - don't look at me.  Go find a craft show.  Mine are nicer than those ones, but I'm not making any more just yet.

I am, however, considering setting fire to the rest of the dishcloth cotton in my stash.*

In other other news, I really like the little girls I babysit.  If I were just sitting at home trying to write a novel, nobody would ever say to me "Can we please please PLEASE go to the grocery store?"  And when I go to the grocery store by myself, no-one evers asks me "Do you want to know what the funkiest car in Cuba was?"  And when I'm in my house, just me and the dog, I never walk into the kitchen and find someone gluing paper wings to their brand new running shoes.

(I had to take a picture.  She was so heartbroken to be told that brand new running shoes weren't craft supplies.)

And if I was smarter than my new phone, I could even show you the picture.


*It's not really a stash.  Other people have a lot more stash than I do.  I have ...yarn that I totally plan to absolutely make stuff out of.  And some for petting.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Actual unretouched conversation

Offspring:  you bought more shampoo?  I thought I had only one bottle but I just noticed I have two.

Parent:  Odd.  I thought I had two bottles and I couldn't find any.

just how complicated is a slipper?

(this post is for J-L)

So I knit my b-i-l a slipper for Christmas.  That was lovely of me, except he has two feet.  I didn't want to cast the slipper off and move on to the next slipper because I wanted to be sure it would fit.  So at Christmas time, I knit all the way to the end of one slipper and sort of fake sewed it together to see if it would fit.  It did.

Then I didn't want to leave it sewed up because I wanted to be sure the second slipper was the same size as the first (although nobodys feet are exactly the same size as each other so why did I do that?) but since it was already off the needle I put it on a stitch holder and stowed the needles in my knitting bag.  On my way home I knit half a pair of baby socks and didn't even think about the slipper because I knew I was going to run out of yarn anyway.

So I got home and stowed the needles in my big ol' sack of circs, and life continued apace.  I kept forgetting to buy more yarn.  I was knitting baby socks, and then a hat, and then forty frillion dishcloths (in the interest of full disclosure - only 18.  So far.) And then when I finally got yarn, I couldn't remember what size needle I'd used.  The pattern suggested a needle size - had I used that?  Had I made up my own head?  I cast the slipper on and in a sort of Goldilocks way, started knitting swatches of second slippers until I had one that was just right.  This took several days because it wasn't a mindless take-along project and I started two new jobs and B had eleventy hundred hockey games.

The next part that took more days was I  used up the first ball of yarn and did about half the slipper, and needed to start the new ball of yarn.  This got into Tricky Territory again because the slippers are knitted using two strands of yarn, and I am at my most convoluted when I have something to overthink.  How best to do two strands at once?  Pull from the centre and the outside at the same time?  Wind off half the yarn into another ball and use two balls at once?  (I rejected this initially because if the two balls of yarn didn't have exactly the same amount of yarn in them, planets would collide, and I'm in enough trouble already)  I finally decided that the only thing to do was take from the inside and outside at the same time and wind a ball that had both strands already together ie the very thing I had done when I made the first slipper.

So I took an entire morning at work to do that.  As my work is looking after two small children, there were times when I wished I had waited for a more opportune moment, by which I mean any moment in which a 13 mo old would not try to help with the yarn.  I have several of those moments in my life, but I chose to utilize none of them.

And then when that was all done, I didn't like it.  The strands were all twisty and annoying.  Clearly the only thing to do was wind smaller balls from the big ball, which of course had to be done simultaneously.  I saw no reason to wait until nobody short and shrieky wanted to help me, that is, not until 12 seconds into the job, at which point I should have stopped, but I thought it wouldn't take that long, and plopped her in a playpen.  I forgot the part where time passes at different speeds for an adult engrossed in what they are doing, and a furious thirteen month old who wants to help.

My eye has finally stopped twitching, and the reverberating echoes have died down.

I've only got half a slipper left, and I'm visiting my Mom tonight, and a visit with my mom pretty much consists of sitting at her bedside prattling away and knitting.  Wish me luck!