Saturday, January 22, 2011

Hello, I have been sleeping

And babysitting and knitting half a dishcloth (I know right?  SLOW DOWN with the frantic knitting output, Plett.  Half a dishcloth in a WEEK?  By the end of the year you will have ...SIX of those babies.  What will you DO with them all?) and delivering flyers (I deserve Stellar Plan of the Year Award for that one) and making lunches, (some of them for very short people who tell you what they want by walking up to you, making eye contact and nodding carefully, even if they have not been asked a direct question) and teaching a class and locking myself out of someone else's house, with someone else's children in a stroller gazing at me in wide eyed wonder.  And driving people to piano and work and dance classes and talking to banks on the phone and handing out hot chocolate to homeless people downtown.  (Best day of the year so far, the hot chocolate thing.)

Some of those days there has been NO COFFEE.

On all of those days there has been no blogging, but let me just tell you, if I had the confidentiality aspect of blogging about other people's children and downstairs room-mates and housekeepers settled in my own mind, there would have been blogging.  Even thinking about Thursday makes me want to both lay my head on something soft and weep, and ALSO giggle hysterically - and then there was Friday.  "Fridays are a little crazy at our house" I always say, but now I know the truth.  Friday HATES me, until about 6 pm, when it suddenly remembers how nice I am.  Friday is a tantrumming toddler who notices something bright and shiny and musical at around 6 pm, but not before it has spent the rest of its time kicking me in whatever body parts it can reach.

And now I am going to go knit another 1/200th of a dishcloth.  Christmas is only eleven months away!

(Oops, J-L, I meant your slipper, I'm totally going to knit your slipper, because THAT Christmas is only a month away.  In the other direction.  That Christmas totally wins.)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Ahhhh the love.

An unnamed offspring and I went to the grocery store.

As we made our way to the car, I teased "So where to next?  The chiropractor?"


"The dentist?"


"Theeeeeee - "

I got interrupted.

"Look.  I am HUNGRY.  I just want to go HOME."

I paused.  "Well *I* want to go to the chiropractor?  And do you know why?  Because HE never yells at me."

"Yeah?  Well I bet he's wanted to at least once or twice!"

Thursday, January 13, 2011

why this insistence on titles? it's a BLOG POST.

So here's what happens when it's cold outside and I have to deliver flyers.

1. a lot of whining in my head
2. a lot of praying for stamina
3. an annoying amount of overassessment of how my knees are, or how my back is

ie.  I dread it.  I look at the weather report and try to figure out if I have enough warm clothes to wear and when I start out I shiver before I even leave the house.

And then I do the flyer route, shedding layers of cold weather wear like dandruff, until I'm down to three shirts and a scarf and a hat and only one pair of mittens ...and it takes me about an hour (sometimes more.  For instance, today I took extra time to pile all the flyers into the back of my van, drive four blocks and then open the back of the van and watch the flyers cascade onto the snow covered street.  Exactly what I was hoping would happen, because then I got to pick them all up again and figure out how to transport them without an instant replay)  There is plenty of cheering self-talk for the half i do without B (I do some while he is still in school)  Although today I sort of messed up on the cheering part of that.

"Sue," I said.  "It's only exercise. Nobody ever died from exercise.  Well, except that one time your Dad cleaned the snow off the driveway..."  And then I was glad no-one could hear me.

And then suddenly I am done the flyer route and I feel like I am made up of 100% Awesome.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

How To Make Supper

My way.  Some of you just go into the kitchen and make supper.  I wish I were you.

Go into the kitchen. 

Look around alot and pour yourself a glass of water.  Think while you are drinking the water.

Remember you are there to cook supper.

Get out the frying pan, put the hamburger in it.  Add a spice or two.

Watch hamburger fry.

Realize you are bored and go get the dishcloth you are knitting. 

Knit and stir hamburger.

Answer your cell phone and ask whoever it is to call you on the home phone, reasoning this will buy you enough time to finish your row.

Answer the house phone and start opening cans of things to make the hamburger into chili.  Sigh as you put the knitting down because you seem to have misplaced your third and fourth hands.

Spill baked beans on the floor and step in them.

Hang up the phone.

Clean up the baked beans, throw a lot of things into the pan, and pick up your knitting.

Leave it just "on the bubble" for as long as it takes to make an entire blog entry around "oh gross I stepped on baked beans!"

Fetch the offspring and eat.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Scrabble conversation with my mother

(Aside:  Mom always asks how to spell things.  Spelling things wrong is her super power.  My Dad used to mess with her mind, for example:
Mom, writing a shopping list:  How do you spell Metamucil?
Dad:  M-E-T-A-L M-U-S-C-L-E.
Which Mom would faithfully write down and then crumple the list up and throw it at him.  Good times.)

It's my mother's turn in Scrabble.

Mom:  How do you spell (mumbled)?

Me:  Clawed as in ripped your face off or clod as in chunk of dirt?

Mom: QUAD.  As in with a Q.

Me:  Q-U-A-D

Mom (disappointed)  Oh.  I needed it to be Q-U-R-R-D-S.

Seriously? Dec 30? As in last YEAR?

Well here's the thing.  I keep thinking "Hey I should blog about that" and before I get a chance to something else blog-worthy happens and it gets added to the list and now the list of things I thought would make good blog fodder is so long that nobody will read it.

Wait since when do I care if anyone reads this?

Thing the First.

I have not finished the Christmas knitting.  However, because I take a less than linear approach to life, I have started some of next year's Christmas knitting. This makes me happier than it should.

Thing the Second.

My mother had a great Christmas, on January 2nd, because on January 2nd, her entire family came together all in one place for Christmas - all her kids and grandkids, and one delicious wee bump that is currently housing a great grandchild.  After everyone else had left, Mom and I played Scrabble and suddenly Mom looked over at me.
"That was so cute." she said.

"What was so cute?"

"That baby bump."  She paused.  "I want to see who's in there!"

Me too. 

Thing the Third.

Flyers.  What was I thinking?  But then I get out there and start walking and feel like maybe I can do basic exercising things like walk and even if it is cold out, I start to feel better.  Even when it is -Alot.  (Today started out at -24, but is now a balmy -17 and sunny.  I have done almost half the flyers, and B and I will do the other half when he gets home from school.  I was planning to be all bossy about him doing exactly half but he has things like school and hockey that interfere with my bossiness.

Thing the Fourth.

A is in Grade Ten this year.  I do not think this has been a particularly easy semester to be A.  You could pray for her, if you want.  I know I am doing so.

Thing the Fifth.

A group of knitters I know started an innocuous knitting contest that has knocked all reason out of my head.  I always think I am not competitive because it only makes me cranky to lose sometimes (yes I'm reading what I'm writing) but ...yeesh.  I don't even want the prizes, I just want to Do Well.  Like I have something to prove.

On the other hand, I should have some dishcloths for sale fairly soon :)

Thing the Sixth

If that's the real time, I'm late to pick up B.  And we have SO MUCH FUN waiting for us, out in the snow and cold.

There were more Things, but #6 is trumping them all.