Thursday, December 02, 2010

Don't even bother to read this

I've got no post planned and probably there is going to be whining.

I can't even tell you how sick and tired I am of my back.  It's better and then it's not and then it is and then it's  not and then - you get the picture.  Please do not comment with any sympathy.  I'm sick of myself, and sympathy will make me feel like I'm justified in whining.

I am not.

Also, I am not qualified to raise children.  Especially enormous children who are either taller than I am, or almost taller than I am, and are bright and beautiful and complicated and only reluctantly communicative and frankly, terrifying.  It's not like I'm scared OF them, I'm scared FOR them, and all the learning and shaping and hurt there is out there just waiting for them.  On days when I have much too much time to think (see above re BACK), I can see this hurt stalking them, lying in wait for them (although it may, in truth, be "laying" in wait for them instead - feel free to correct my grammar in the comments, just please, for the sake of my already overactive imagination, do not do it anonymously) and I know that if I don't monitor every single action and interaction, God will not be able to go into this great big world with my child.  And certainly I must know everything in order for God to know everything, right?  For God to be able to work with them in their pain and insecurities, in their trials AND their triumphs, don't *I* have to be fully informed?

The thing is - I'm actually glad it doesn't work that way.  I want a God who can do more than I can.  I *need* that God.

I'm just saying - toddlers are tough.  I remember that. I remember counting to 17 million and 5 while I waited for someone to decide to stop screaming, lying on their back in a parking lot, while old ladies tried to call 911 for me.  But when they're toddlers, you get to be in charge of pretty much ALL the consequences.  I don't want to be in charge forever, truly I don't, but I think my Parenting Report Card might, at this moment, read: "Does Not Transition Well."  At least my children are super super patient with all that hovering hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah oh I crack myself up.

You know, right up until I typed this sentence, I didn't know I needed to hear this:

"When they're toddlers, you get to be in charge of pretty much ALL the consequences."

I kind of feel better now.

7 comments:

Heather Plett said...

I think we need some sister time to commiserate. I'm struggling with some of the same issues.

Kay Day said...

No whining until your back has hurt for 365 days.
I know I waited that long to whine about mine. :)

One thing that I find I'm having to learn over and over again. I'm no Savior. For some reason, I keep thinking that's part of my job.

Barbara Quaale said...

I could chastise you. or I could send Our Mutual Fiend...I mean Friend to do it for me. But no, it is a tough racket this stage, and yes, research shows that toddler and teen go through similar psychological cycles. You ARE still the mommy. You can stick to your guns and make consequences count. You may have to put up with some of the teen equivalent of drumming heels, but I'm told, in spite of what they say, teens value the parental opinion even more than friends. Hugs and hang in there.

Krista said...

I don't have teenagers yet, but one of the best pieces of advice that I hope to hold onto for when I get there is that parenting a teen is like going from being a dog owner to being a cat owner. A dog wants to be with you all the time, will come when you call, and will eat when you tell it to. A cat, on the other hand, will come when he/she wants to, cuddle and/or talk when he/she decides to and will eat when he/she decides to. The best thing to do with a cat is to put the food or the lap out and just wait for them to come to you. Not sure if that's helpful or not and I don't think it deals with the stalking hurts, but there you have it. My two cents. And I don't know which 'lying' or 'laying' is right in this instance, but I probably would've been severely marked for getting it wrong in my journalism class once upon a time.

Robin said...

So what you're really trying to say is, "enjoy this time now, cause it only gets worse"? I have those fears already though...I can't imagine what I'm going to be like in 10+ years.

*sigh*

Ruthie said...

First off, whine all you want but ONLY if it makes you feel better and let off some pent up steam. To whine in vain is just a waste of time and energy. And if you feel guilty about whining, do it in private in the bathroom where there is no one but God and you.

As to all the worries about teen years and the world to come, all I can tell you is what I did. I would fall flat on my back on my bed (those were the pre-back problem days), look up at the ceiling through my tears, and say, "God, you made me J's mother. Now tell me what to do with him!" It was amazing that EVERY TIME I did that, He answered my prayer!! So when you start to fuss about your kids and the world looming so large and dangerous ahead of them, fall on your proverbial back (not your current one, please) and cry out to your Father Who knows all, sees all, and loves all. He is the best help a parent could ever have.

P.S. My son is now 30 and has a family of his own. I was not the greatest mom in the world but God still looked after him and protected him from permanent harm. J had some rough times, but all they did was toughen him and prepare him for adulthood and parenthood. He's turned out to be a really great guy, in spite of me!!

joanna said...

It is tough being the parent of a teenager...I always like reading that I'm not the only one who thinks so :)

And it's mainly tough because we care (I think). I have tried on occasion to care less, but that's tougher ;)