Saturday, October 23, 2010

Oh hi

Still here.  Still finding things that aggravate whatever is going on with my lower back.  Am limping most convincingly again today after having a few days of walking so well even *I* started to suspect I was making a log out of a speck. (Or something.  There are no good nether-region analogies.)

Here's why my mother in law is a star.

I walk (hobble, limp, stumble, wince) into the kitchen today where she is making meat loaf, vegetable soup (with farmer sausage in it. Apparently farmer sausage is a Mennonite vegetable) chicken noodle soup, a chicken casserole, and chili, all at once. Every available counter surface is covered with pots or pans or something in progress.

"Whoa!" I say "You're about as busy as a person can get!"

She shakes her head.  "No, I'm just standing here wondering what else I can get started while I'm waiitng for all this."

Thursday, October 21, 2010


The e-mail:

"60% off maternity clothes!!"

My answer:

"That ship has sailed."

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

read this quick and I'll post something cheerful after lunch

But wait!  just thinking about lunch cheered me up, because a friend of mine makes this AMAZING vegetarian casserole just chock full of all kinds of veggies that are good for you and I can't even tell you how much I love it because it's not like I'm a writer and good with words or anything BUT!  She brought over a big container of it yesterday, and it is sitting in my refrigerator at this very moment, whispering to me about how great my lunch is going to be today.

As I am once again working on losing weight (nothing like pain to make you pay attention! see, a veggie-rich lunch is a delight.

That's not what I fired up this thing to say but what I had to say is whining about how I overdid it yesterday by mowing the lawn scrubbing a floor running a marathon lifting a bus off a senior citizen grating a pound of cheese.  So I won't say that.

Except I have this liniment I'm supposed to use as often as possible that makes me smell like a nursing home, and it is applied with a roller ball.  Considering the size of my posterior, every time I roll it on, I think "this would go much faster with a paint brush."

Being who I am, that thought makes me grin.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

yeah, that too

So A and TechnoMathDegree are doing Grade Ten math.  A is not necessarily catching on.

TMD:  That's not quite it.

A:  but I had good intentions!

Me:  Ever hear what the road to h@!! is paved with?

A:  Math?

The suffering continues apace.

It is Sunday morning.  I am not at church because sitting upright is pretty much the most painful position available.  Even if I can sit upright without pain, when I move to stand up my back starts stomping its feet and whining.

Instead I am sitting here , with my feet up on a footstool that belonged to my father:

I am knitting.  There is a small black dog on the couch across the way, hoping I'm done taking pictures of knitted items draped across her body.

There are hymns on the CD player, hot tea in my cup, and just for now, because I have been extremely careful to do pretty much nothing for the last few days and because someone was smart enough to invent freezers and ice packs, I am in no pain.

Drop by for tea any time :)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Zuma's Revenge it is!

Just when I was starting to think I was the only computer game playing person in the universe, Ruthie got it right!

I'm ridiculously pleased that I get to send a dishcloth to another knitter.

Ruthie e-mail me at with your mailing address, okay?

Friday, October 15, 2010

Here all the things I have accomplished since October 1

I don't want you to think I'm just sitting here doing nothing, changing "the angle of tension on (my) lower back every twenty minutes".  As if.  I have done a BAZILLION things.

1.  Ingested a variety of drugs, some of which made me as lucid as hand signals in fog.  Or as this metaphor or simile or whatever.

2.  Watched Chilean miners emerge and kiss people.

3. Read a really well done, thought provoking book, The Matter of Sylvie, by local author Lee Kvern.

4. Shot a lot of stone marbles out of a frogs mouth at some other stone marbles.

5. Knit a few dishcloths.  Seriously.  Only a few.  But I will send one of them to whoever can tell me what game I'm referring to #4.

6.  Whined.  A lot.  Wow.  It's like I'm practicing for a Whining World Championship.  I am so tired of myself, I can't even tell you. 

7.  Resolved to Whine Less.

8. Made 453,017 hot water bottles.

9.  Wondered how my mother does it.  How DOES my mother do it?  She is made of much more patient stuff than I am.  Why don't I put down whatever I am doing every single time she calls and talk till she's tired of talking to me?  What is my problem?

10.  Gone to the chiropractor.   A lot of times. 

11.  Forgotten to be thankful for what I have 2 million and 87 times.

So here's what I am accomplishing tomorrow.

1. Knit a row on something every time I want to whine about my back.

That's a good start, no?

Say what?

Where on earth have the last fifteen days GONE?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Hey look it's Tuesday!

You know what's nice?  Friends, that's what.  Friends who call you just to see if you need a ride anywhere, or friends who spend the entire day with you making sure you are good to go after your night at the ER, or friends who cook a huge chicken dinner so your daughter can have that birthday party with "adults who mean something to me" that she wanted .  And then stick around and clean up.  Friends who do your foodshopping, who take you to the chiropractor three times a week, who show up and fold your laundry.  Friends who give you books to read.  Friends who come and hang out, friends who e-mail you encouraging wee notes.
How on earth I got so lucky, I'll never know.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

I've named her Grace

The lady in the mud hut in a small Kenyan village with SI joint trouble?  Her name is Grace.  That way I can lie awake at 3 am and pray for Grace.  And for grace.

I was also thinking about my mother last night.  My mother whose entire stomach herniated into her chest cavity, who had major surgery when she was over 70 and already bedridden, who is unable to walk due to aging and cerebral palsy, who could not have so much as a sip of water for two months after her surgery, and couldn't eat anything without throwing up for several months after that, and who never complained, not even once, not one time did she say "why is God doing this to me?"  Who spends all her time in bed now, waking up when someone comes to visit, smiling that lovely acceptant smile of hers.

As I lay squinting into the dark and panting and wondering if there was any position at all I could attempt that would be comfortable and wishing it wasn't 5 more hours till the next painkiller ...I thought "Have I learned nothing from my mother?"  And right then I decided to stay in the position I was in, which was almost comfortable, and I settled down to talk to God until I fell asleep.

And this morning I am resolved to be more like my mother.

I am resolved to be more like Jacqueline Roberts.

Those of you who have known us long enough will know the great redemption there is in being able to say that and mean it.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Blogging takes a hiatus when all I want to do is whine

This thought has been occuring to me.

Somewhere there is someone who cannot afford health care, who is in the same pain I was in on Thursday night, and has either spent 24 hours or more waiting at a county hospital (if they live in the US) or maybe is just spending the day in a mud hut somewhere, unable to move and maybe terrified of the demons that are causing this ailment.

When I woke up at 3 am last night because the painkillers had worn off, I thanked God for painkillers, and prayed for that person, somewhere, without access to doctors or medicine who was in the same pain I was.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Adventures in Couch Sitting

so it's not like  I can't do anything.  I just can't do anything that involves doing something while standing or bending.

Well, I can, actually.  I can get up one morning and decide I feel just fine, thank you, and putter about the bedroom sorting laundry and tidying for fifteen whole minutes then wander downstairs and make a lunch then drive someone to school and then put a load of clothes in the washer ...

And then sit down in agony that does not abate.

So much the Amazing Power of Positive Thinking.  There's apparently a fine line between positive thinking and denial.

It's not like life is boring, though.

The fiesty four year old showed up at my door, and seeing me sitting on the couch, proceeded to mouth things to me through the window.  I got A to open the door and he asked her to tell me that B and S and C were being mean to him.

I listened to a long tale of woe.

I asked "Is there a reason you didn't tell your mom this?"

Him Oh I just didn't want to.

Me:  Is it because your mom would ask you to solve it yourself?

Him:  No no no. 

(short pause)

Him:  Actually yes that is why.


Sunday, October 03, 2010

Sunday Several

My Sunday Several is Several Things That Are Nice.

1. A husband who is not a nurturer by nature bringing you flowers when you are not 100%.

2. Chidren with a sense of humour.  I don't remember what she said, but  A had us all laughing at supper again last night.

3. Neighbours who make lasagne and bring it over for your whole family.

4. Walking to the bathroom and back without screaming.

5.  A small black dog who glues herself to your side when you are sick.

6. Percocet, but it's best not to like that one too much.

7.  A child who asks "Do you need anything else?"

8. Teenagers from your church stopping by after church with a box of chocolates to tell you they are thinking of you and praying for you.  (Hee.  I answered the door and S said "Have you heard the good news?" and I blanked for a second and then asked "Oh that Jesus loves me and has a wonderful plan for your life?" GRIN.)

9.  My dog really is incredibly soft.

10.  Canada Dry Green Tea Ginger Ale.

and then under Things That Are Just Plain Freaky :

1. I'm too tired/loopy-because-of-painkillers to KNIT.

Friday, October 01, 2010

Don't Mind Me, It's Just the Kain Pillers

A piller of kain?  pillar of kain?

Shut up, narcotized brain.  Let me just say up front that while the medical profession is calling them painkillers, they're not killing the pain.  They're taking the edge off.  It's like they've sent the pain a sternly worded letter containing threats of Dire Consequences.

My pain is tougher than that.

Pain, you ask?  Well I thought it was sciatica that wasn't radiating down my leg but it turns out that that's pretty much what sciatica is, the radiating, and so that's not what it is.  The ER doctor flailed my limbs around for awhile and turned to the nurse and said "Write down 'acute sacroilitis' "

I invite you to google that.  Here's a phrase that'll give you a clue what my last few days have been like.  "Sacroiliitis can make it impossible to walk or move."  I think my particular manifestation of this is not necessarily inflammation due to infection, but inflammation due to the fact that my sacrum and my ilium have had a minor falling out, a strain, if you prefer.

Whatever you call it, an IV with enough Demerol and then some other kind of "ol" that was pushed fast enough to make the room spin did not erase the pain.  It maybe nailed it into a corner behind a barricade that it is busy kicking on as we speak.  I have had percocet and am now able to take two entire steps without screaming, muffled or otherwise.

So last night at two in the morning, when the spousal unit was unable to get me off the toilet without my screaming in pain - seriously, out loud, screaming - I called 911, and two big burly men came and made me walk out of my house anyway.  I can't even tell you how much fun that was.

Then they tried to give me morphine in the ambulance and I experienced Side Effects while the pain laughed and pointed.

A did not wake up when the ambulance arrived.

B woke up, noticed there was a tall stranger in his house, and backed away and gently closed his door.

The dog expressed her opinion and then tried to glue herself to my body.

TechnoBoy stuffed a few things in a bag for me.  "Get the knitting" I said.  He found things like my health care card and my wallet.  "I need knitting!"  Eventually he caught on that, agony or no agony, I wasn't leaving the house without something to knit.

Which brings me to today's Handy Tip From Those in The Know, that you will thank me for some day when you're in the ER waiting room waiting for someone to come and take you home, at noon ...

When you are inching your way down the stairs at 3 am, shaking and crying and moaning in pain, and your husband is packing a bag for you?  Less emphasis on the knitting, more emphasis on pants.