Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Wondering if I can phrase this properly

I think it would be lovely if we all just got better at everything as we got older. Better able to take roll with slights, real or imagined, better at housework, at sex, at loving people the way they need to be loved, at living unselfishly and passionately and productively. At putting other people first without feeling like we're losing ourselves.

At following Jesus, at believing that all things work together and amen and amen and amen.

Let's go back to unselfish.

I've been dreading Mother's Day. I've been feeling ignored and taken for granted and even while I'm feeling that way, I know that perspective is responsible for so very much of the way we feel. And I'd give myself a good talking to and wake up all wallowy the next day. And TechnoBoy is out of work and and and ...

and today I read a blog post written by a twenty-seven year old woman who has recently been diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and is staring into the future thinking What if it never happens? What if I'm never a mother? Can I learn to be happy that way? What is FAMILY, after all?

and here I had been thinking that Mother's Day was all about me.

It's not.

It's about a lean and lovely 14 year old girl who is just so much older than her chronological age and is bright and funny and kind and quirky and passionate and stubborn and stylish and introspective and I get to live here with her.

And it's about a rough and tumble 11 year old boy with thick black hair rioting around his head who cleans to relax and loves hockey and soccer with all his heart and gets straight A's even though he maintains that he hates school, a boy who sleeps with the dog every night unless I've been out of town, because then he'll give her to me at night because "you've probably been missing each other."

Mother's Day?

It's I GET TO BE A MOTHER Day, a day that takes all those years I was terrified it would never happen, and makes them completely immaterial.

I should be buying gifts for THEM, these two baffling beautiful personalities who filled the emptiest places.

I've typed it on this blog before - may I never forget to be grateful.

May I never forget. It was close there for a few days :)

10 comments:

Robin said...

Oh Susan. This is probably the most beautiful thing I have read in a long time.

Heather Plett said...

Amen.

And Happy Mother's Day!

ccap said...

Lovely reminder. Thank you.

Bailey said...

I am not getting better at anything, although I always believed it would be different by this age.
I dread Mother's Day every year (specifically planned to be out of the country last year!).
So your post smacked me in the face. Kindly, though - thanks for that.
My 20-year-old isn't exactly at an easy-to-mother stage. I can still be grateful.

Anonymous said...

Ahh...motherhood...it doesn't always mean you have to 'birth' a child to be a mother. Some are given that privilege, some 'choose' children for that privilege, and others are 'given' children for that honorable and challenging privilege. And, some children grow up and continue the cycle, while other individuals are never able to grow up, so that mothing position remains...a life time as well. God made mothers, in all kinds of ways for all kinds of reasons, for all kinds of people, but not all the same.

Kay Day said...

Lovely, Susan.
And part of being a mother is that we forget. It wouldn't be normal if we didn't. But it's always nice when we remember again. What a blessing it is, indeed.

violet said...

Happy, Happy Mother's Day! Sorry to hear about TB being out of work. That's tough.

Ordinary Reader said...

Beautifully said. A very happy Mother's Day to you.
Dianne

Slow'n'Steady said...

This needs to go beyond blogspot. Seriously. So many people identify with this, so few can articulate it. Universal truth, exquisitely spoken.

Koala Bear Writer said...

I've seen a few beautiful sentiments about mother's day this year, but yours tops them all. Thanks.