Monday, January 25, 2010

Things I Could Not Make Up

Thing One:

B, from the living room: "HEY! If I'm practicing piano one hand at a time, I can still drink Coke while I practice!"

Um, yippee? And isn't there a rule about not drinking Coke on weekdays in this house?

Thing Two:

Saturday night I wandered off to bed, as one does, and made a stop at the porcelain bowl on my way. As I was sitting contemplating life, as one does, there was a rather sharp sound and the toilet seat seemed to lower itself a little. I looked down.

There were copious quantities of ...something ...on the floor, on the backs of my legs ...

Completely mystified, I stood up and turned to look at the toilet seat. Nothing seemed awry.

I raised the toilet seat.

Someone had folded two small take-away packages of ketchup and set them on the rim of the toilet bowl and then carefully lowered the seat again.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Domesticity

A, doing chores: "What did you do before you had children?"

Do you remember wondering that? Even asking your mother that? I do. I wondered who made the salad before I came along. (The answer was: "No-one. I hate making salad." And then she added "One day you will have your own children, and they can make the salads.")

I spent a few moments thinking about the chaos my house is and was and ever shall be. "Half as many dishes", I said.

***

A is so lovely. If I didn't love her so much, I'd be jealous. She is tall and willowy and graceful and oh so comfortable in her own skin.

And B - words fail me. He is earnest and funny and he has the most glorious thick curly hair ever to grace a ten year old head. He does nothing by halves - he's either loudly enthusiastic or loudly non-enthusiastic.

And TechnoBoy and I? We get to live in this house, with these people.

It's a lucky lucky life.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Just for C, who likes it when I update ...

Here she is, holding her new lap blanket. A seriously fun knit for a seriously fun person.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Does this haircut make my butt look big?*

Notes for the next do-it-yourself dog grooming session.

1. Do it outside.

2. No really. Even if it's cold out. You can do it in stages.

3. Don't wear clean clothes.

4. Consider goggles. (I have dog fuzzyfur in my EYES)

5. Even a small dog has a LOT of hair.

6. Bathe the dog afterwards, especially if it's a curly dog. Curls cover a multitude of uneven.

7. Do the feet with scissors, not the clipper.

8. It takes longer than you think.

9. Your dog will forgive you. (and she won't shake with fear like she does at the groomers)

10. (this one is just a guess, as she's not home yet) There is a chance your teenager will be less pumped by how Not Awful the dog looks than you will.

Seriously - I thought she'd look like she'd been caught in a lawnmower. (the dog, not the teenager) She certainly doesn't look like she does when the professionals are done with her, but she doesn't look embarrassingly ridiculous either.

*Sadly, Toopka, yes it does. You don't have much patience for clippers near the lady bits and I finally gave up.