Monday, November 16, 2009

A post my husband is free to remind me of every time I come home from playing with M's new puppy ...

Life with One Dog.

Morning: Take the dog out. Dog sniffs yard for 12 seconds, pees, comes galloping to you to be loved on because you are the Favourite and have not been seen since last night, which was a very long time ago.

Day: Dog follows you everywhere, cleverly keeping out of the way of your feet at all times, wagging her tail. Cheerfully.

If the dog wants out, she will go and sit by a door. If she thinks she's been sitting by a door too long, she will bark. Once. Once outside, she will sniff the ground for no longer than 37.5 seconds, and Get On With It. While she is outside, she does not eat any fecal matter belonging to any other species and if she tries to eat anything else, she drops it when she's told to.

Feeding: There is food in her dish. Always. She condescends to eat it every three days or so, which seems to be working well for her, so I give up fussing about it. She's not losing weight.

Night time: One of the children hauls her up into their bunkbed, or they both forget, and she sleeps in our room. She goes to sleep between 9 and 10, and sleeps until people start moving around.

All in all - it's easy. Mostly we have to take her out the second we get home if we've been gone for a long time, so that she can pee in delight on the grass, not the carpet.


Life With Two Dogs:

Morning: Dog A wants to play. Dog B is an Older Lady (at least three by now) and wants to not play. Both dogs are taken outside. Dog B, who lives here, pees and is ready to be adored. Dog A, who has been here for over a week already, has to bond with the backyard again before she can grace it with any of her eliminations. This involves hiding under my chair for a while (I take my knitting out there - they can't be alone because of the Coyote Issue), watching Dog B, sniffing the air, startling at every bird call, and finally, at long last, gamboling about the yard like a spring lamb. It is not a 12 second process.

We come inside. Dog B jumps into my lap. Dog A has a three minute nap, and then starts whining to go out, because she wasn't done out there yet. I stare at the dog in consternation. She whines some more.
Out we all go again, but in the intervening 15 minutes, the back yard has once again become a place of terror, and must be bonded with again. Dog B watches Dog A with a mild sort of "What the flap?" expression on her face.
All business done and picked up, we go back inside.

Fifteen minutes later, Dog A starts to heave - thank heaven I got her off the carpet in time. (What is THAT about? why is the carpet a better place to hurl? I had to physically restrain her - and wow, that was fun. Let's get three more dogs!)

Now I realize some of this is personality, but would we get this lucky twice? This visiting dog is lovely and fluffy and silky and so timid she's almost un-walkable. Every new tree is something to sit down and contemplate before daring to dart past. Every new thing is cringe worthy - except strange fecal matter, and THAT is to be eaten. She HATES her crate, she won't eat her own food, (although Toopka doesn't eat at other people's houses either) she's afraid of my dog (who let her TAKE A TREAT from between her front paws, so it's not that she's radiating agression)

Wait the whole point to this post was TWO DOGS ARE MORE WORK THAN ONE.

TWO DOGS ARE A BAD IDEA.

TechnoBoy, you can say I TOLD YOU SO now, if you like.

5 comments:

TechnoBoy said...

:-)

Colleen Taylor said...

lol of course

Especially after meeting your dog and seeing your back yard in the dark!

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