Thursday, October 22, 2009

Letter to the Offspring

Dear children.

Although can I call you children? Both of you have feet that are bigger than mine, and one of you is taller than I am. However, I am still your mother, and that makes you my children.

I just wanted to say: it's not like there's a manual. It's not like I can go look up, say, whether or not I should ask someone if they can quickly play through their songs on the piano while they're home for lunch, and find out before I ask that I'll be starting a big fight that will result in your being back to school late, so please don't tell me I "should have known." Seriously. There was no way to predict that. Do you know how many years you've been practicing piano? There was no precedent, and no place to look it up.

And you know how Dad and I seem fairly stubborn? I know Dad has "consistent" listed as a super-power, so let's talk about me instead. Do you know how many times I am saying "Well the deal was that A would lead to B, unless C, and then, and only then, would there be D, and therefore you have chosen X by default." and I'm thinking "Wait what? What were the choices? I am being too stubborn? Am I failing to honour their struggles? Am I being unreasonable? What page is this on in the manual? Oh right. Dang."? On second thought, it's probably best if you don't read this until you're older, or the arguments will ramp up. If you do read this, I absolutely meant what I said and I have no doubt at all that I am handling this properly, this thing right here, whatever it is.

Just - Dudes. I'm doing my (admittedly flawed) best here.

May it take you less time to recover from your childhood than it took me to recover from mine.




okay the rest of you can start reading now.

I called my Mom the other day to say WOW you were consistent, and way to go! Growing up, of course, I thought she was intractable and unreasonable and just so blasted hard-headed! That woman would never back down! Which, umm, wow. Way to go, Mom.

So she told me that she'd heard a preacher one day say "What are you going to say when you get to heaven and the Lord asks you where your children are?" and she took that to heart.

!!!!!!!!!! That is a TERRIBLE question! FIRST of all it implies that every choice your child makes is within your power - which stops being true right about the time you leave the hospital and your baby screams all the way home because he or she wants a soother or doesn't want a soother or is maybe wet or maybe scared of the car seat or maybe that street light right there is kind of spooky and wasn't the noise more *muffled* before, and wow there's a lot of room out here and I'm not so sure I like that. Maybe also hungry. Or too hot or too cold.

Maybe that's just MY baby. Maybe you told your baby to choose to be content all the way home.

SECOND - never mind second.

I spluttered and gasped and spluttered some more and then said "You should have stood up and said "I'm going to say: I don't know, Lord, I thought You had them?" "


Heather Plett said...

Yeah - what you said - I'm going with that.

Flicka said...