Friday, October 17, 2008

Guest post by The Dog

How To Make Your Owner Crazy

1. refuse to eat for days

2. beg at the table when your food dish is full

3. empty your food dish when no-one is looking

4. wait until evening

5. wait until your owner is flinging bits of paper around and reading blogs. (your owner may refer to this as "writing")

6. Start to whine.

7. Refuse to go out when the offer is made.

8. Wait until your owner sits down again.

9. Whine some more.

10. Roll over to have your belly scratched when your owner stands up to see what you want.

11 thru 60. Repeat 9 and 10.

61. Gaze hopefully at your food dish.

62. Gaze pointedly at the fridge once your dish is full. (If you leave out this step, you will not get the beef gravy. Do NOT cave to the "no gravy" attempts.)

63. Lick the gravy off one piece of your food, and follow your owner upstairs.

64. Whine.

65 thru 700. Whine.

701. Follow your owner downstairs as she carries her laptop and her bits of paper and her external mouse to the kitchen table.

702. Sniff at the gravy. (It is just PUSHING IT to whine if the gravy is cold. You have the gravy - eat already.)

703. Belch.

704. Beg to go outside.

705. Bark your head off until the neighbour's porch light goes on.

706. Bounce happily inside and run upstairs to your bed, where you should have been all this time.

707. Wag your tail in delight when your owner relocates yet again.

708. Sweet dreams.

4 comments:

Heather said...

Sounds like 708 good reasons NOT to get a dog. :-)

Momstheword said...

That's a hoot! Probably true, too. Do the good things outnumber these things?

Kay Day said...

And did it work? Is she crazy? If not, you should do it again tomorrow.

Brendiferous said...

Thank you SO much for reminding me of my dearly departed Nortoon, who did the exact same thing, but whose mother never described it so aptly. :)