Tuesday, September 09, 2008

A public apology

Dear Man Who Had to Follow Me Out Of My Neighbourhood Last Week,

I know I drive you crazy because I do not drive 50 all along the main road that circles our neighbourhood. I know that I have driven you to wild gesticulation and the drawing of the number 50 in the air hoping I am looking in my rear view mirror, and I'm sorry, I really really am.
I'm almost sorry I laughed at you writing "50" in the air like that, but I was doing fine until you started flashing your fingers at me in groups of ten. I didn't count how many times you flashed, actually, because I was looking for the Playground Speed Limit sign.

You don't have to look for it because your Speedy Sense tingles and you slow down. I have no such tingler. What I *do* have, however, that you likely don't, is a depressing collection of speeding tickets from that very playground zone.

It's very far from my house (at least a 3 minute drive). I remember it when I get into my vehicle and then by the time I reach the playground zone, I am talking to someone or dreaming of coffee or wondering if I turned the iron off or trying to figure out if that last line should be "lean in and listen" or just "lean in, listen". It's very busy in my head, and frankly, it's a wonder I can even drive a motorized vehicle without hurting anyone or anything.

I don't really want another speeding ticket from that very spot. The police department has taken to including pamphlets on driving courses in the envelopes they mail the ticket to me with. It's only a matter of time before someone is on my doorstep and I am carried off to a Remedial Traffic Basics course.

And you may not know this, but speeding tickets cost money. I am a writer, self-employed, barely making enough money to send out SASE's for my rejections to come back to me in. Mail that essentially boils down to billing my husband for marrying someone with my brain is harshing the marital mellow, to state things gently. I'm not sure that level of unexpressed frustation is good for his blood pressure. Maybe you can teach him how to gesticulate wildly, although I'm not sure that calmed you down all that much.

And I'm also really really sorry that when we both pulled into the mall parking lot 15 minutes down the road, I was ahead of you, after you passed me like that. That hardly seems fair.

Sincerely,

The Woman Who Did Not Get Her License From A Cracker Jack Box, Believe It Or Not


Edited to add:

hy·per·bo·le

1. obvious and intentional exaggeration.
2. an extravagant statement or figure of speech not intended to be taken literally, as “to wait an eternity.”

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Simply put...it is NOT his responsibility to take care of your bad driving habits. So tell him to "relax"...it is you who has to learn how to harness your over-active brain before, and while, driving a 3,000 lb. vehicle that can, and may some day, kill a child, adult, pet...so, see, it is Your responsibility. Not his.

Vacant Uterus said...

BUWAHAHAHA! Gasp, splutter. oooohhh...

I *so* needed that laugh right now. :-)

Kay Day said...

I just love how people leave such strong opinions, but don't have the courage to own them by including a name!

Krista said...

Hey, Anonymous - glad to see you're harassing someone new these days...or not. Have I suggested you go get a life recently? No? Well, consider it suggested.

I think AP is well aware of her responsibility when driving her car and doesn't need your rude comment to remind her.

Seriously. You must have better things to do than be a cyber-bully.

Heather said...

I wish I were HALF as perfect as anonymous. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow - I apologize to all of you for coming across too strongly, it was not my intention to hurt any person's feelings. I have drving of my own to improve on (don't we all?) But, I will say this, if I was too quick to "judge" then I'm not the only one by the sounds of the other comments. How do you know I haven't been the victim of someone else's careless driving? And, as to remaining anonymous, maybe that is because who I am isn't as important as the message I was trying to convey, albeit, too severe in its presentation, and for that I apologize, again.
Signed: Just an inadequate human being.

Accidental Poet said...

Thanks, Anonymous. I was hesitant to say anything because I know how people get, sticking up for the people they love. It's just that Anonymous comments like that can drive a person crazy. If you're someone I know, that gives me the chance to explain - and the comment hurts a lot less because it's not coming out of left field. And for the record, it was serious over-exaggeration solely for the point of making fun of myself all through that last post. I'm not the wreck on wheels I'm make myself sound like, but it was fun to write. The guy who was objecting to the speed I was going was objecting because I was 5 km under the speed limit half a block before the playground zone -by the time he was drawing numbers in the air, we were IN the playground zone.

Anonymous said...

AND. . .we are ALL "so human". . . whatever that means.
Good luck, tally-hoo, and ride on in safety, comfort, and care.