Monday, July 21, 2008

Snarky Susie Sets You Straight

I endeavour to be helpful. (I seem to recall a post that once advised avid seamstresses not to remove the cap from the Fray Chek with their teeth, lest they squirt the noxious substance up thier nose.)

This post is advice for aspiring poets. I have recently read and rated approximately 500 poems for a fall issue of a magazine, so I guess that makes me one of those Editors I'm so scared of. There's some kind of message in that for me, but today is all about you, the poet who would like to sell your poems to a magazine. Here's some advice from an Editor, who is actually just a human being.

1. Taking a sentence and
inserting random line
breaks does not make
a poem out of

2. if the sentence you do take
and like a pretzel twist it
just so that a rhyme you make
you look like a nitwit.

3. why yes! I did! notice that word! because i am! smarter than you seem to! expect your reader to! be! but ! I don`t! want to publish! your poem! because! exclamation marks! annoy! me! and all! my editor! friends!

You can all thank me later.

Tomorrow's advice involves the purchasing of electronics south of the border when you live north of the border. As a sneak preview as to its basic gist, the subtitle is: Don't.


Vacant Uterus said...

I saw the title of this post and thought "Ooooh! I love Snarky Susie!"

But then
you crushed!
all my dreams as
aspiring poet. :-(
Yes, you.
know it!

(I added an extra element with the sad face there, just to jazz it up.)

Jen said...

And you've just driven the point home that I could never be a poet. Ha!

Kay Day said...

afraid I am
of you now! Now I say.
say it well do I
for that is
how I say things.

editor shmeditor. how's that for poetry?

But lucky me. I don't intend to put any poems in any magazines.

Yes. random. so what?

The Koala Bear Writer said...

haha! That's great... I love advice that shows exactly what NOT to do...

QOTW said...

Your blog has made me laugh right out loud. I think the moral of your blog may be that one person's torture (yours) may be another person's good time (mine). Thanks for the good advice.