Friday, September 14, 2007

Free to BAD home, for a few hours, so she knows how good she's got it: One small dog

So I'm on my way out the door to drop A at the bus stop. (long story) The puppy is prancing excitedly at my feet. "No!" I tell her sternly and she darts out the front door. There's no time to catch her, so I open the van door and she jumps in because a car ride is way more fun than running away from home.

We drive to the bus stop, A eating toast and the puppy begging for it, and we get to the bus stop and there's a long yellow bus there and I pull up behind it, where I'm not supposed to be, because I think it's A's bus. However, I spot A's pal S still waiting and breathe a sigh of relief. I encourage A to hurry because I need to get out of the way before another bus shows up. A opens the door and ...the dog jumps out.

She is greeted by the glad cries of school children, who she runs away from, and she runs away from A and she will not come back to the van and there's another bus coming and she runs farther away from everyone, facing us, and squats to pee. I march over there to grab her - that's not pee. And the bus is coming and I need to catch her and I do the only thing I can think of - I grab the dog poop in my left hand and the dog in my right (she's 12 lbs) and I race back to the van and GET OUT OF THE WAY.

I'm driving away gritting my teeth and I hear crunching - Toopka is eating A's leftover toast. I start ranting into the rearview. "The last thing on earth you deserve right now is toast! Get down!" She looks up and goes back to the strawberry jam. "GET DOWN!!!!" I bellow and she does, and comes and sits on the passenger seat and looks up at me, questions all over her face. I shake the handfull of poop in her face. "Look what you made me do!!!" She sniffs it and the look on her face is "You made me leave toast and jam for that?"

As I was washing my hands, it occurred to me that I had likely ruined my daughter's junior high experience, as she would forever be known as the girl whose Mom picked up dog poop.

The good news is no-one saw me do it - my body blocked the view and I was really fast. (There's a line for a resume - "scoops up dog dirt barehanded with blinding speed")

The other good news is once you've shaken a handfull of shite in a uncomprehending animal's face, the day has nowhere to go but up.


Kay said...

May that be all the crap you have to handle today.

And to think... I'm considering getting a dog...

VAIL said...

ROFL! I am so glad the kids didn't see you - that would have been hard for your kid to live down!

darien said...

oh my gosh...i'm trying to feel sorry for you but I can't stop laughing!!!!!

Flicka said...

LOL! What a great story. You are truly talented and if your daughter doesn't apprecciate that, well, one day she'll have a kid and adog too. Then she'll know.

Slow'n'Steady said...

ew ew ew ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Erma Bombeck in doggie doodoo. Too funny. I have not laughed that hard in a long while.

Anonymous said...

very funny. v