Thursday, August 23, 2007

I invented a fun new game.

It's called Act Like A Huge Dork All Night.

Here's how.

Get home from work, and take the dog for a quick walk to the park and back. Take only one poop sack. Realize that you will likely need this sack again, so try to empty the bag into the large green trash can with the heavy hinged lid with your right hand while your left hand holds the leash, and the lid. When the dog jerks suddenly on the leash, drop the heavy hinged lid directly onto the back of your right hand.

The fun part about this installment of the game is how you get to pick up all the poop again, from the random bits of the sidewalk it's gone flying to.

Go home and cook a supper that looks so pretty you want to decorate it with a sprig of something. (This is not dorky, except possibly the sprig part)

Go food shopping and stand in the aisle thinking "ow. What am I here for? oh yes some of - ow I can't lift that - this". Notice that you are completely blocking the aisle with your cart and your heavy box and your whimpering right hand. Shift the box to your left hand and try to hurry so the skinny woman with her compliant child can get past. Manage to get the button on your blouse entangled in the shopping cart. Fuss with it, start to sweat, and shove the entire thing out of the way with your thighs.

Go looking for the soap your husband asked for. Irish Spring. Was that Irish Spring Original or Irish Spring Aloe or Irish Spring Micro Clean or Irish Spring Moisture Blast? Think up a lot of jokes about your dripping wet face as you try to imagine what on earth "Moisture Blast" might be. Plan a witty blog entry about that very thing, until your husband asks you "Why did you buy me moisturizing soap?"

Give right up and go to bed. Lest you think there is nothing abnormal about this - I am going to bed with a book that is boring me out of my ever-loving mind, but I refuse to stop reading because it's for a book club, even though it is perfectly acceptable to go to a book club meeting and say "I couldn't get through it." But I don't want to hurt the book picker's feelings.

I'm having trouble shutting up, sore hand and all. Hopefull the laptop battery dies soon and saves you a


Kay said...

I've had a great time playing that game - for the last 40 years. I assume the first year of my life, I was fairly non-dorky.
One memorable installment was when I flew the first time. I was trying so hard to be cool and act just as if I had flown 300 times before.
I was cooly walking down the aisle looking for my seat when the flight attendant I was dragging along behind me stopped me to ask me to please unhook my carry-on bag from his coat button.
Yes, I do dork really well.

Anonymous said...

"ever-lovin'"?? Now that's something I don't hear much in these here parts. I'm curious about the book. I too in bored our of my gourd with a book presently. I have a hard time not finishing a book even though it's boring. I'm trying to do better. val

VAIL said...

I so know how you feel with the book club bad picks thing. My book club is full of 20 yr. old gals who choose these books that bore me out of my mind sometimes I just don't get it! Don't 20 yr. olds read Bridget Jones or Meg Cabot?

Trish said...

I think I know that game! ;o)