Friday, August 31, 2007

Somedayoftheweek Several


1. Where are all B's pajama pants? I can find the tops, but ...

2. How can I thwart the dog's passion for underwear consumption?

3. Why does the dog obey "Drop it!" immediately but look at me as those as I am speaking Greek when I say "Come here!"

4. Child X is asked to load the dishwasher. "I can't do a dirty job, I have a new shirt on." Child X is asked to remove the shirt, and do the job. There are noises from the kitchen consistent with dishwasher loading. Suddenly Child X looms in front of me, wearing the new shirt, shaking an arm accusingly in my face. "SEE? I TOLD you!" the child says. HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?

5. Do any of you out there know the rules for punching or not-punching for Punch Buggies? Think you have all cases covered? HA. I left the children alone in the van for 2.3 minutes the other day and came back to an all out punch fest. The cause? One of them was cheating on the punching/no punching rules for invisible punch buggies.

6. How did that whole punch buggy thing start, anyway? Who was the first person to look at VW Bug and say "Hey! That makes me want to hit someone!"

7. Why am I doing this instead of folding laundry?

8. Why am I doing this instead of writing?

9. Why am I doing this?

*not mine, of course, some other children I found at McDonald's that I thought might want a ride with a stranger. My children never argue. They adore each other.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I invented a fun new game.

It's called Act Like A Huge Dork All Night.

Here's how.

Get home from work, and take the dog for a quick walk to the park and back. Take only one poop sack. Realize that you will likely need this sack again, so try to empty the bag into the large green trash can with the heavy hinged lid with your right hand while your left hand holds the leash, and the lid. When the dog jerks suddenly on the leash, drop the heavy hinged lid directly onto the back of your right hand.

The fun part about this installment of the game is how you get to pick up all the poop again, from the random bits of the sidewalk it's gone flying to.

Go home and cook a supper that looks so pretty you want to decorate it with a sprig of something. (This is not dorky, except possibly the sprig part)

Go food shopping and stand in the aisle thinking "ow. What am I here for? oh yes some of - ow I can't lift that - this". Notice that you are completely blocking the aisle with your cart and your heavy box and your whimpering right hand. Shift the box to your left hand and try to hurry so the skinny woman with her compliant child can get past. Manage to get the button on your blouse entangled in the shopping cart. Fuss with it, start to sweat, and shove the entire thing out of the way with your thighs.

Go looking for the soap your husband asked for. Irish Spring. Was that Irish Spring Original or Irish Spring Aloe or Irish Spring Micro Clean or Irish Spring Moisture Blast? Think up a lot of jokes about your dripping wet face as you try to imagine what on earth "Moisture Blast" might be. Plan a witty blog entry about that very thing, until your husband asks you "Why did you buy me moisturizing soap?"

Give right up and go to bed. Lest you think there is nothing abnormal about this - I am going to bed with a book that is boring me out of my ever-loving mind, but I refuse to stop reading because it's for a book club, even though it is perfectly acceptable to go to a book club meeting and say "I couldn't get through it." But I don't want to hurt the book picker's feelings.

I'm having trouble shutting up, sore hand and all. Hopefull the laptop battery dies soon and saves you a

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Kay, this one's for you

One-Word Responses Meme

1 Where is your cell phone? here
2 Relationship? fine
3 Your hair? blond
4 Work? fun
5 Your sister? nonexistent

6 Your favorite things? kids
7 Your dream last night? creepy
8 Your favorite drink? coffee
9 Your dream car? Bug
10 The room you're in? bedroom

11 Your shoes? scattered
12 Your fears? loss
13 What do you want to be in 10 years? Susan
14 Who did you hang out with this weekend? women
15 What are you not good at? deadlines

16 Muffins? cranberry
17 Wish-list item? laptop
18 Where you grew up? disappeared
19 The last thing you did? blinked
20 What are you wearing? yes

21 What are you not wearing? exactly
22 Your pet? adorable
23 Your computer? dying
24 Your life? busy
25 Your mood? cheerful

26 Missing? A
27 What are you thinking about? bathtub
28 Your car? minivan
29 Your kitchen? untidy
30 Your summer? full

31 Your favorite color? favoUrite?
32 Last time you laughed? today
33 Last time you cried? yesterday
34 School? huh?
35 Love? God

36 Tag? KAY.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen reasons search engines have flung my blog up as a possibility to the anxious midnight searcher. Spot the theme and win a prize!

1. capricious nature

2. dentist packed hole

3. vicki goodfellow duke

4. dry socket stitches falling out

5. of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most

6. dog molar extraction

7. accidental poet

8. how long do wisdom teeth blood clots

9. hork your

10. dry socket after root canal

11. of all the things I have lost the most I miss my mind

12. sewing without a pattern

13. dry socket

ps I lied. There is no prize. Even if I wanted to give you a prize, I would procrastinate so long that by the time you got it, you wouldn't even remember having read my blog.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Well that was great

It was great. Really great. Yesterday afternoon I found myself all by myself in my vehicle headed home from a board meeting a few hours from home and I thought "Why not find a place to hole up and write for awhile?" My family already knew I wasn't home - and a few hours turned into all night and then again this morning and while the word count still isn't something that excites me because I know how long a book is, I spent at least EIGHT HOURS working on my book this weekend.


And I still have this hotel room for another half an hour.

Friday, August 10, 2007

So very grown up ...and yet ...

A has a friend over, leftover from last night's sleep over. As I'm a few hours short on billable hours this month, I'm working from home, so I asked A if she could please look after lunch for the two of them. They dug out a cookbook and after a few hours, had some chicken and potatoes cooking.

And while it was cooking -

They popped a bag of popcorn and went for a bike ride.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Oh nothing

Really. And how could it be my business if they wanted to climb up the outside of the staircase and then jump down to the hardwood from a point higher than my head?

Also can you tell me this? The last time I looked, there was this whole neighbourhood outside. We even have our own personal backyard. So why is it the best place to play hockey is our upstairs landing????

Friday, August 03, 2007

Not the best answer, really

Parent, upon hearing loud noises from the living room: Child? What are you doing?

Child: Nothing!

Parent: That's a pretty loud nothing. What are you really doing?

Child: None of your business!

I made it my business in a big old hurry.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007


Blistering barnacles, my foot hurts.

Can't think why.