Tuesday, June 12, 2007

It's a different language

I read someone else's blog recently where the writer talked about her mother yelling at her for wearing something "just because you want boys to look at you!!!" when she was 11 or 12. I remember my own mother ranting at me, when I was 11 or so, about sneaking off with the neighbour boy I spent all my spare time with to ...behave inappropriately ...because I took too long walking to the mailbox and back to mail a letter. (I dropped it and lost it and went back to find it so essentially made the trip twice) I only remembered that story recently, and for the first time in living memory, I did not slot that particular day into the "I Had a Horrible Mother" slot. (there's also an "Okay she wasn't all bad" slot, and "That was downright great of her" slot.)

I was looking through pictures from our recent vacation, at our lovely graceful daughter, and the way she and the camera love each other. She's always had an unconscious grace about her, a delicacy in the way she moves, even on the soccer field, or stretching out of a sound sleep, that makes you want to watch her. She's aware of the camera now, and she poses. Flips a switch somewhere inside her, and there are so many pictures of a poised and lovely girl. I look at these pictures and laugh a little, but there's a bit of terror there. One day I found "Stop showing off!" on the tip of my tongue but managed to hold it back because I finally realized what my mother had said that day, and what I was about to say.

You shine, baby. You're the brightest penny in the jar, and you take my breath away, and there isn't a person in the world who wouldn't notice it, the way you shine. Keep it precious, protect yourself, keep yourself whole until you grow into all this womanly loveliness that spills out of you, as naturally as breath.

"I love you" comes out in the strangest phrases.

5 comments:

darien said...

what a lovely post to her!

ccap said...

Well said, especially that last paragraph.

Whippersnapper said...

Holy freaking moly, how lovely. Is she ever lucky to have such a nice mama like you. =>

ccap said...

p.s. She takes my breath away too.

Kay said...

What a good mommy! You let the love shine brighter than the fear. That is so hard for me to do.