Thursday, May 03, 2007

Hi

TechnoBoy and I were away for a few days, celebrating a quarter of a century of married bliss. Well okay, bliss, determination, mediocrity, moments of light, great companionship, hundreds of thousands of miles in a vehicle together, well over a thousand stops for someone other than the driver to use the bathroom, laughing, crying, saying stupid things to each other, saying sweet things to each other, saying things that make each other laugh until we can't breathe, maybe even a hundred games of Settlers and two million snores.

Wouldn't have changed a thing. Well that's not true. I'd learn to be nicer, sooner, and maybe I'd've had an unselfishness switch installed so I could always respond with grace. Because I love the man with my whole heart, and I feel really really really really lucky.

I'm sure there's a more eloquent way to say that.

He changed my life. Sure, marriage changes a person. But when we met, I didn't like ME very much. I covered that behind a lot of loud laughter and a lot of words, a torrent of words, and oh, could I be funny and sarcastic and could I ever make great fun of myself. But underneath - I believed every negative message I whispered into my own ear. This is what lucky is: I would have married the first man that paid attention to me - in fact, I did. (Don't get me wrong - I loved him. But when you're in that needy a place, emotionally, you don't necessarily love with any measure of wisdom.) We met when I was in Grade 12, and we spent the next three years trying to wait until we were old enough to get married. Lucky is when you marry the first man that comes along, and that man is TechnoBoy. He loves me. He approves of me. He doesn't look at me and think "Wow what a screw up." In the early years I used to say "He's pretty sure if I ever did anything wrong it was by accident." I know better than that now - but there is no substitute for that kind of love. He thinks I'm great. He likes it when I'm goofy, and he does me the honour of having serious conversations with me, like I have a clue what I'm talking about. Whatever it is I want to try, he thinks I can do it. And then he thinks I should do it, and there is nothing quite as life-changing for an insecure person like I was as having someone in your corner like that. Wholeheartedly approving of you and cheering you on and sometimes, even in awe of you.*

He rescued me. He rescued me from insecurity and overcompensating and freed me to be the woman God wants me to be.

That's what lucky is.

*I'm in awe of him too. He can use the phrase "refractive index" in ordinary conversation and make people know what he means.

7 comments:

Kay said...

A great big Congratulations! 25 years! Way to go!
And you do sound very blessed!

Valerie Dykstra said...

that's beautiful. congratulations.

ccap said...

And lucky is my brother marrying someone who ends up being one of my favorite friends.

Heather said...

I'm trying to think of something wise to add, but ccap expressed it better than my muddled mind could this morning.

LC said...

Your post bring joy to my heart. Thanks to you and TB for being such a wonderful pair, and for being able to so well express how much this gift means to you. Makes me want to hug the man God gave me...

Anonymous said...

..oh Sue ..... you ARE lucky!! ...... and I know you KNOW it .... BJ

Slow'n'Steady said...

that one post singularly changed my perspective on how I should view my own husband. gratitude rocks. thanks for bringing happy tears today.