Saturday, March 31, 2007

Bummer

Apparently reading other writers blogs, even on a daily basis, isn't getting my novel any closer to being written.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Book Review*

*this is not to be confused with a real book review, like my friend Violet writes. This is just me, yapping about a book.

My Life As A Doormat by Rene Gutteridge

Rene who? Rene who knows how to write, that's who. Seriously, Christians who turn up their noses at Christian fiction, stop it. Start reading it, because it's not all historical fiction** and happily married young women wearing calico any more. I promise.

My Life As A Doormat made me laugh out loud. And even tear up a little, and I'm old and cranky and hardly tear up at books any more. It was marvelously paced - just when I wanted to smack the protagonist for being a WIMP, she did something brave (for her). The relationships are real and flawed and believable and also, Leah's mother made me want to call her on the phone and point a few things out to her. If you are reading this, and you are Leah's mother, STOP DOING THAT. It's not nice and it's doing more harm than good.


**If you love historical fiction, read that too. There's some of that too, well-written and readable. It just doesn't float my own personal boat.***

***I typed "bloat" instead of "boat" the first time around ...didn't somebody write a book called The Bloat Who Wouldn't Float?****

****Dear Mr Mowat: I jest. I loved that book. I probably still do. In fact, I think I should own it.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Funnier than dog poop

A and I went out shopping and then out for dinner last night. At dinner, we were talking about falling in love and boyfriends and all that jazz and she said, as only she can,

"I can't believe you married somebody with such big ears."

As I was laughing and choking on my diet Coke, she added "and they don't even WORK."

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

S - M - R - T

Not only have I written 500 words of complete and utter drivel* today, I just ...

brace yourself ....


solved my own printer problem.


You can all gape at me in awe now.

*(worst line of the day? "He swung his eyes" - I left it because it was so absolutely awful that the rest looks better. Just how long was the rope he swung them on? and how were they attached? and also - ouch. And ick**.)

**and speaking of "ick" - B just came in from walking the dog shouting "her poop is stuck" ...I just gave her a localized haircut. It's a good thing the OTHER end is cute.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Not the best weekend ever

Walking the dog Friday I slipped and fell, landing with all of my considerable weight on my right knee (previously known as my Good Knee, now known as my Other Bad Knee) Saturday I couldn't walk. There was much asking of things to be fetched and much praying for courage when I had to do something taxing like walk 6 steps to the bathroom.

Today is much better but I can still tell I hurt it. The dog has been lying around looking at me with "So umm is this what we're doing today?" written all over her face.

Kinda suckin' at the diet thing and the exercise thing and the writing thing and really not very pleased with myself. And there's no reason to tell all of you that except that it's better to be real than to pretend that birds suddenly appear every time I am near.

(SPot the adverb! Take it out and shoot it!)

Speaking of which:

"He opened the window, which operated on hinges, and stared through the mist at the street below."

Three virtual gold stars to the first person who finds the four extra words in that sentence. And a half dozen extra stars to the person who rants the most entertainingly about why they're not needed.

Editttttttted to Add: (do you love the clever way I've disguised my inability to spell edi..that word?) KAY wins all the gold stars, AxeWoman that she is!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Five Things Some of You Might Not Know About Me

1. I have books in every nook and cranny of my house and yet I don't think I have a lot of books.

2. I like to take my dog out for breakfast and feed her bits of sausage from my breakfast burrito.

3. I feel like AmazonNatureGirl when I shovel the sidewalk.

4. Although I mostly amble, I love to stride.

5. I have eczema on the insides of my ears.

(I sort of tagged myself with a sort of meme. Sort of.)

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

GAH! and also BLARG!

not to mention AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Apparently I aspire to write complete crap. However, crap can be editted.

Also why does the dog insist on pulling garbage out of the garbage cans and chewing it to shreds? She is messing with my mind - she has gotten the SAME THING out of the garbage EIGHT TIMES IN A ROW and she'll come trotting over to where I am, to bask in the glow of my presence and eat used tissue, and I'll take it away. And she will pretend to find something else to do and the second I am back to writing complete drivel, there she is with more used Kleenex, which she nonchalantly drops the second I realize she has it. I give up. I'm giving her an empty box to chew to shreds. I have crap* to write, and she's interfering with the blessed creative process.

And why aren't my children asleep yet?

*Oh I'm sure it's not crap, you're thinking.** Here's a choice bit:

So Brynn stands there holding the bowl and lo his head is filled with many visions and wonders and what the heck are all those people named anyway? Can I just make up names or should I get a baby name book? And does the song that flits into his head have to be any GOOD? Who can I get to write a song? Oh MusicBoyyyyyy ...I need a song that has a bunch of obscure names in it and then some sort of reason to pop into someone's head if he's holding a bowl. Get right on that will you?

And then Brynn's mother somehow has to be noticed and she has to let her disapproval be known but she's going to go along with it because if she doesn't, there's no story. And how much can Corbin tell him in one day because we all know he's getting offed tonight.


Okay that's enough - I don't want you all to faint in the face of my brilliance. I bet you all can't WAIT to read it.

**Or maybe you're not, but in that case, pffflllllt

Editted to add: Also, the bowl Brynn is holding is different from the bowls he's been holding for six months while I try to figure out what he says to Linden when he first meets her. Apparently I am writing an entire novel around the act of holding bowls.

Ok I think I've made enough fun of myself to be able to continue. Tune in to tomorrow to find out what other kitchenware Brynn can handle.***

***Brynn just rolled his eyes at me. Teenager.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I'm not blogging, I'm writing, but if I were blogging here's what I might say

Why Everyone Should Have A Dog

1. No-one else snorts for joy when I come home from work.

2. They teach you things. Just now I went and stood in the doorway of TechnoGuy's office wagging my tail expectantly and he threw me a treat.*

Coupla down sides though:

1. Hardwood floors dent when a golfball is repeatedly dropped from the couch. The first time it was an accident - now she appears to be doing it for fun.

2. B didn't bite me when I gave him that bad haircut. ***




*you don't know if I'm joking or not, do you?**

**it was a mint

***Hairdresser to B: Don't let your mother near you with scissors again, okay?

Monday, March 12, 2007

The first step is admitting you have a problem

So why have I not written ONE SINGLE WORD on my novel since I got home from Glen Eyrie?

When B was very little I realized that his learning dynamic is: Prove to me I can do it, and then I will try.

Today at work I realized - that's what I want. I want someone to prove to me I can write a novel, and then I'll try.

TechnoDad and I have spent many hours standing over a tantrumming B saying "I understand, but you have to try it." Forced him into soccer and hockey - even soccer a few years in a row, because he might have forgotten how in the meantime.

So I'm thinkin' God is doing exactly the same thing with me right at the moment.


Sometimes I exhaust myself.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Nuttin' to say

I feel like posting to just wave at you all, but I have nothing to say. I'm a bit overloaded on affirmation these days - makes me want to crawl into a hole somewhere and go to sleep. However, I just this second remembered that I forgot to do something at work today and I bet I'll get in trouble (however mild) for it when I go in tomorrow, so that'll take me down a peg or two.

*whew* that's a relief. Still tired, though.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Checklist for the other part-time job

1. Hire a housekeeper to come once a week* so you can write. CHECK

2. Set up a home office somewhere in your house. Bedroom - not ideal, but it has a closable door. CHECK

3. Pick stuff to write. CHECK CHECK CHECK

4. Get on with it. Right after I drop A off at her sleepover, walk the dog and make supper.


*she'll be here for the kids after school and do some cleaning, etc, and then cook supper, while I lock myself in the bedroom. Mondays, I hope. If she gets a job, I'm back to having to get up at 6 to write. Stop laughing. I could do it. Once a year, or so.

Because I ROCK

I just spent most of the day putting braids in A's hair. 33 of them. I started out agreeing to do one row across the front of her head, and then I had to take some out and make them smaller and then she asked for just one more row and suddenly it was 6 o'clock and there was no supper but there was one very happy singing girl, who knows that it would cost $200 for someone who knew what they were doing to do what I just did.

"It looks a lot better than I thought it would." I told her.

"I know." She tossed her braids in a nonexistent breeze. "I knew you just needed to have more faith in yourself."

I like that kid.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Psst I made it home

The puppy is delighted to see me. Everyone else is snoring.

G'night.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Shocking, I know

My flight was delayed. Wow, what are the chances, with that particular airline? on this trip, 100%. I get home at something like 2 in the morning, but I'm not on the plane yet, so I'm not making any plans ...

I should have heaps of profound things to say, but really, the thing that is going through my mind is "Gee. Hmm. Maybe that week just changed my life. Wow. I need a nap."

So I'm reading, because I can't take a nap.

Go buy anything you can by Kathryn Mackel and Nancy Rue.

Or don't. But you'll thank me if you do.