Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen things I'm thankful for:

1. I was able to go out for lunch with a dear friend who really needed to talk.

2. My co-workers, who are both hard-working AND a lot of fun. And remarkably cheerful in stressful situations.

3. TechnoSpouse took A out for lunch today - twice in one week, which I just know will have made her feel special. I love it when he does that.

4. B earnestly showing me that he's put the cap on the toothpaste every night at bedtime. (If he does it 30 days in a row, he gets an infusion into the "I need Heely's like my sister has" fund. And it's 30 days because I think it will take him that long to undo 7 years of leaving the cap off!)

5. My relationship with my mother, which has not always been good, but seems to be easy and free from misunderstanding, lo, these past 5 or so years.

6. The way the puppy races to greet me when I get home. I rock her tiny world, which in turn, rocks my world.

7. TechnoBoy's entire family is coming to have Christmas at our house this year. (This one will also show up the list of "Thirteen Things that Awaken Me In The Night, shouting "I must bake pies!" Okay, that list wouldn't be 13 items long, unless I just named them all one by one. Stay tuned for next Thursday's "Lamest Thursday Thirteen Ever."

8. A roof over my head, and people who care about me under the same roof.

9. My short story class. (This one also shows up on the list of things that make me feel like my head is about to explode. This is not necessarily a bad thing.)

10. I made the Efficient Drive Thru Girl smile today. (Have I mentionned the breakfast burrito addiction? I know the Drive Thru staff FAR too well.)

11. Coffee.

12. I got my 20 hours in this week, even though I stayed home with a sick boy on Monday.

13. I'm also thankful that even though my daughter has Heely's, I DID NOT BUY THEM. She saved her allowance and added birthday money to the pot. Now if only I could convince her to wear a T-shirt that announced that ...

Monday, October 16, 2006

In which I defy you not to laugh out loud

Me: So how was your day?

A: Fine.

Me: What did you do at school this morning?

A: Nothing.

Me: (in mock outrage) Nothing? They have you all that time and yet you do *nothing*?

A: Yep. We sat around in corners and drank weak tea.

In which I prove to you just how short my attention span really is.

ACK. I forgot about the water!

In which I make you all want to be me, and also prove just how very restrained I am

So TechnoGuy, who also works from home, walked into the kitchen a few minutes ago wearing his "dunnies" (thanks to Val for my New Word of the Week) and a pair of slippers.

I'd post a picture of how cute that is except then you'd all want him for your very own.

In which I cause you to marvel at how effective I occasionally manage to be

So I'm working from home today and there is music in the background, and I'm sitting here thinking what a lovely sound the faintly musical ting of boiling water is making, and how it almost sounds like it could be part of the music and I hum along and am oh so contented for several minutes before I remember that there is nothing *in* the boiling water.

The fresh pot is coming to a boil now.

Friday, October 13, 2006

In which A saves the bewildered spouse from my problems

Yesterday was a Less Than Stellar day, for various reasons, but something happened that makes me chuckle every time I think of it.


The family is gathered around the table to eat. We all say grace, and then TechnoHusband reaches for the spoon to serve himself.

Me: I thought you liked this meal!

TH: Umm's fine.

Me: No, not fine, I thought you *liked* it.

TH: What have I done to change your opinion?

Me: It's that look on your face.

TH: There's a look on my face?

Me: Yes, that look you get when you don't like what's on the table but you're determined to be a good sport.

TH: There's no look on my face.

We drop it. Or he does. Twenty minutes later:

Me: It's just that I was so happy when I found this recipe because I thought you liked it the first time we had it. Didn't you like it?

TH: It's great! Thank you very much for making supper for us.

Me: Don't patronize me. It's just I thought you liked it.

TH: There was no look on my face.*

A has had all she can take of this. She turns to her father.

A: Would you like to eat it once a day, once a month, or once a year?

TH: Somewhere in between the last two.

A turns to me with a "there you have it" shrug, and I'm still laughing about it.

*he's right. There was no look on his face. I was imagining the look because I was having a very bad day.

Don't read that other post, read this one

Friday Four More:

1. I get to spend the evening with my daughter tonight.

2. I will finally have a chance to take the puppy on a long ramble through Riverbend this weekend, sore knee or not! I'll just take my cell phone with me and call for a ride home if I get too far away and it starts acting up.

3. I get to spend the evening with my son on Saturday night.

4. For a fat girl, I don't sweat much.*

*Scraping the bottom of the barrel for the sunshine here!

Friday Four

(I don't do Thursday Thirteens, it's too hard to count that high.)

1. Just read an article that contained these lines:

"With stranger adoption, we take children from their natural families and place them with families that aren't their own, asking everyone to pretend that these children belong in those families."

and also these ones:

"...ask yourself how often you've capitulated to the rhetoric of this brave new world, how often you've called someone who's never given birth and passed along genes a mother, or how often you've looked at an Asian child with two people who are clearly not her parents and believed that they are family."

I want to say something moving and deep and profound but mostly I'm just MAD. And no, I'm not angry. I'm foaming at the mouth.*

2. Someone who weighs fewer pounds than you are overweight should never blithely say to you, like it's something you've never think up on your own, "You need to get thin." Where was she when we were trying to get pregnant? I probably just needed to relax, but IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.

3. Apparently there are three things wrong with my knee, none of which are correctable. One of them is arthritis, and all I see in my head is my Dad limping around frowning for the last 5 years of his life, trying not to complain, but really being in a lot of pain in spite of medication. And he wasn't overweight at all. And he was only 65 when he died.


4. I have a Board meeting tomorrow where I will, in all likelihood, be Told What Is Expected of me, and how I am failing. I've been sick to my stomach for three days, thinking about it.

*on the inside

Friday, October 06, 2006

Friday Four

(Because Val did it once and four seems so possible)

1. How to make yourself laugh so hard unfortunate things happen: Blow a balloon and leave it on the kitchen floor the puppy to find. It kept her busy for an hour, first alternately stalking it and barking it into submission, then batting it around, then searching for it with the most baffled look on her face after she popped it.

2. How to make yourself run faster than Eric Liddell: Wander about the house cleaning up and sending e-mail and things, absent-mindedly shedding articles of clothing, as you are prone to do. End up sitting in the living room with your laptop, wearing only panties. Hear the doorknob turn at midnight, and remember at that exact moment that your husband's friend who came down from Edmonton to go to the concert with him is coming home with him for the night.

3. How to make yourself glow with delight: Get a copy of your friend's first book in your mailbox. Hold it for half an hour, savouring the moment, before you even open it. Read the first sentence, and hear your dear friend reading it out loud in your head.

4. I am having LOADS of fun at Awana this year.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Some people are such overachievers

Okay so now I'm good for 13 weeks of Thursdays, thanks to ccap and J-L.

Thirteen Ways to Get TechnoBoy Out of Bed Before Noon On Saturday.

1. Poke and push and pull and tell him the time over and over and over again.

2. Combine these two ingredients:

Ice cubes

3. Have him plan a ski trip.

4. Sign him up as a hockey coach.

5. Have him plan a backpacking trip.

6. Take him camping.

7. Let B watch cartoons on the TV in the bedroom without hiding the remote.

8. Combine these two ingredients:

A large glass of water

9. Raid the change jar. Loudly.

10. Beg.

11. Get frustrated.

12. Set off the burglar alarm and leave the house.

13. Set the house on fire.

Thursday Thirteen

(which appears to be a list of thirteen things you post on Thursdays. All the other bloggers are doing it. Except for those that aren't.)

Okay that didn't work. They were all unrelated and I fell asleep at number 6. I need a topic. Someone out there give me a topic, and I'll try to come up with thirteen things about it.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

In which I receive some comfort from the trials in my life from the eloquence with which I bewail them*

*really what blogging is all about. Admit it. It's the first step to recovery. Also I didn't make up that expression - it's underlined in my Norton Anthology of English Literature which is ALL THE WAY DOWNSTAIRS and I'm not going down there to get it - I have to get up for work in 4 hours.

Alternate Title for this post: Not So Much The Domestic Goddess (but I do write poetry. And also I wrote a short story once. Or maybe twice.)

so it's midnight and I'm on my way to bed, because I have to get up at 6:30 for work. Or something early, anyway. I remember just as I'm heading up the stairs that A wanted to bring cupcakes to school tomorrow (which is now today, if you're keeping track). We both remembered earlier in the day, but there were piano lessons, and then shopping for birthday presents with the sibling, and we both forgot. We're both like that, with the forgetting and remembering and remembering and forgetting. I also realized that maybe in Junior High you don't bring cupcakes for your class any more (that's SO elementary school!) so this might be the last year she could bring them. I have the easiest chocolate cake recipe on the planet (no milk! no eggs! no beating sugar and margarine together and slowly adding sifted things!) so I quickly mixed up some cupcakes. Couldn't find any sugar for the longest time - but there was a huge Ziploc bag full of sparkling white granules in the bottom of one of the cupboards. I did not wonder why it was there, because I am the one who organizes these cupboards, and we're just lucky there's food in there, and not books. Or notebooks. Or even dirty socks, which have a way of migrating off my feet without my even noticing them.

So I do the part where you mix all the dry ingredients together and then I mix all the wet ingredients together and then I pour the wet into the dry and something is very Not Right. The consistency, she is bad. This is very thick chocolate cake batter. I have made this recipe literally hundreds of times - it was very wrong. I thought, hey, it's one am, I probably just didn't add enough water. I threw in another cup. Still looking iffy. I tasted it, and soon realized that tasting was something I should have tried back at the "what's in this bag? oh, sparkling white powder!" phase.

Two cups of salt, people. Actually two cups, and a carefully measured half teaspoon - I think it was probably the half-teaspoon that pushed it over the edge, no?

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Dear Fall:
Again with the leaves? You know I love leaves, I love to crunch them, I love to hear the puppy skittering through them at top speed, but enough already. They Get In The House. Everywhere.

Dear OtherDogOwnersOfCalgary:
Pick up your own dog crap, okay?? I went for a one hour walk today, and picked up approximately my dog's weight in other dog's waste. Why did I do this? First of all, my dog likes to EAT it, and second of all, A SCHOOLYARD? Who leaves dog dirt in great steaming piles in a school playground?? Shame on all of you.

Dear SchoolChildren:
See those conveniently placed garbage cans? Why not use them? (on the other hand, thanks for all the discarded Ziplocs in which to tuck Other Dog's Leavings).

Dear Toopka,
It's not chocolate covered raisins, it's either deer poop or rabbit poop. They are not consumable, and I'm getting tired of the Molar Chomp of Death you attack me with when I try to get it out of your mouth. From now on - no licking my face. Ever.

Dear Spouse:
I love you with all my heart.

Dear Children:
I love you, too. I'm ecstatic that you live here, in this house, with your Dad and I.

Dear God:
Thank you for my life.

Monday, October 02, 2006

In which I brag about the puppy

Actually I'm just praising her, so when she reads this blog, she won't grow up with a poor self image.

Today we left her for much longer than we'd planned to - quick trip home from church to take her out, and then we weren't home until 7. We left her barricaded into the kitchen and I was expecting to have to wash the kitchen floor when we got home - HA. Nary an erroneous elimination in sight! I took her for a walk around the lake (some day I'll post a picture - it is such a lovely walk) and she stopped to "go" no less than four times. So it's not like she didn't have to go, she just didn't go in the house. YAY.

also while we're talking about the puppy, or rather, I'm typing about the puppy and you're scanning this post to see if it's all dog, all the time, can you tell me why it is that if I go for a walk after dark by myself I'm a bit nervous, or even a bit more than a bit nervous, but if I'm walking with a 6 lb animal that doesn't even show up in the dark, I'm not scared at all????

Motherhood, the Ego Boost

We're ten minutes late for church. One of my children is sitting in the van, one of them is standing at the mirror, folding the tops of her socks under so you can't see the purple edging because that would clash with the pink.

"A. Sweetie. Can we GO? You're making me old here." I beg.

A grins at me. "You're already old!" Encouraged by the fact that this makes me burst out laughing, she adds, "You'd have to get younger to die."

In which I tell on myself, and then tell you what A said

A and are in the van, which is where the children talk to me if there are only two of us.

"Name the first impossible thing that comes to your mind", she invites.

There is a long pause in which I think "p***ing up a rope" and then try to figure out why that popped into my head, and also where on earth that expression came from (who used it first? and why?), and then try to figure out what ELSE is impossible and then I say "Ummm... ask me again?"

"Name something impossible."

"Being younger than I am right now again."

A says "well the first thing I would think of is flying. I'd like to fly more than ANYTHING." There is a moment of silence as we both think about soaring. "When I grow up, I'm going to invent a backpack that you just put on that sprouts wings and flap, flap, flap, away you go."

And then because she is such a fascinating mix of observant, practical and fanciful, she added "Well maybe I should invent a heavy one first, and make tons of money off that one, and use the money for more expensive, super-light materials, and invent a super-light one."

Go for it, girl. The sky's the limit.