"Open adoption is the best way to go", we say, holding our bundle of promise and possibility, in a flannel blanket we bought years ago, in a moment of giddy hope, when we went off the Pill.
"I couldn't do this if I hadn't met you", affirms the brave woman who can somehow manage to give you the baby she's given birth to.
We can't fast forward. We can't look at all the scenarios, because life has a larger imagination than we do. And life is complicated and messy and emotional even when you don't throw in adoption.
So we couldn't talk about it then, how we would handle it if, say, one day this baby's biological grandfather died. A grandfather that this child has had a long relationship with. A child who is very aware of passages and needing closure, who wants to go his funeral. And we couldn't guess that by then, the incredible woman who gave birth to this incredible child would, out of deference to her husband, no longer be in contact with her first-born, and we might not have considered the fact that very few of the birthmother's extended family (aunts, uncles and cousins) know that she placed a baby for adoption. So here we are, winging it, and I am terrified for my child's vulnerable heart and terrified that we are doing the wrong thing and so very terrified that more than one person I care about is going to get hurt.
But we're getting on a plane, my child and I, in a few hours, and please please please will you all pray for us. Even if prayer is new to you - God will still hear you.
And we need Him. Desperately.
(I am so unsure about posting this. This is my children's story, not mine, and I am very afraid that I betraying a confidence by talking about this here. But I know there are many of you who are the praying kind who read this and I so strongly believe in the power of prayer. Please, those of you know us, be careful in commenting - it's important to me that it is not obvious which of my children this post refers to)